RIZWORLD JOKES

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The Ventriloquist Cowboy
A cowboy (who happenes to be an excellent ventriloquist) walks into town and sees a rancher sitting on his porch with his dog:

The cowboy walks up to the rancher and says, "Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?"

The rancher replied, "This dog don't talk!"

The cowboy asks, "Hey dog, how's it going?"

The dog answers, "Doin alright".

The rancher has an extreme look of shock on his face....

The cowboy continues, "Is this your owner? (pointing at rancher)"

Dog: "Yep."

Cowboy: "How's he treat you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."

The rancher just sits there with an total look of disbelief.

The cowboy then asks the rancher, "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

To which the rancher replies, "Horses don't talk!"

Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it goin?"

Horse: "Cool."

The rancher has an even wilder look of shock at this point.

Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at rancher)

Horse: "Yep."

Cowboy: "How's he treat you?"

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."

The rancher is stuned! He has a total look of amazement on his face.

The cowboy then asks him, "Mind if I talk to your SHEEP?"

The rancher starts sweating, he's barely able to speak. He nervously begins to stutter, "Th-Th-Them damn sheep aa-ain't nothin but liars!"

Cowboy & Lesbian
An old cowboy dressed to kill with a cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs, and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him.

After she ordered her drink, she turned to the cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?"

To which he replied, "Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch, herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences. I guess I am."

After a short while, he asked her what she was.

She replied, "I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women, when I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women."

A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink.

A couple sat down next to him and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

To which he replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian."

Cowboys Are Tough
There were three cowboys sitting around a campfire trading stories about how macho they were. The first said, "Once I was riding ahead of a herd of cattle. My horse tripped in a hole and fell, rolling over me. My gun went off, scaring the cattle, who then stampeded. I was trampled by over 200 cattle. You know what I did? I got up, brushed off, and walked into town."

The second said, "I can beat that. I was in a barfight and got thrown through a plate-glass window. I was cut to ribbons and bleeding gallons. You know what I did? I got up, ran back in, grabbed a fifth, poured it over me to sterilize, and jumped back into the fight. I was the only one left standing!"

The third just stood there, stirring the fire with his "johnson".