How do you get a
blonde to marry you?
> Tell her she's pregnant
What did the blonde
say when she found out she was pregnant?
> Is it mine?
Why don't blondes
make good pharmacists?
> They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
Why do blondes put
their hair in ponytails?
> To cover up their valve stem.
She exclaims, "I don't have any money, but I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland!!!"
To that the man asks, "Anything??"
The blonde says, "Yes, ANYTHING!!"
With that, the man says, "Follow me." He walks into the next room and tells her, "Come in and close the door." She does.
He then says, "Get on your knees." She does. He then says, "Take down my zipper." She does.
He then says, "Go ahead, take it out." With that she takes it out and takes hold of it with both hands. The man then says, "Well, go ahead!"
She brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it close to her lips, she says, "Hello...Mom?"
The first blond says, "I want my IQ raised 20 points." POOF! She turns into a brunette.
The second blond thinks to herself, that's really drastic. "Ok," she decides, 'I want my IQ raised 10 points." POOF! She turns into a redhead.
The third blond is standing there thinking that she REALLY likes her blond hair, and doesn't like what happened to the other two girls. So she says "I want my IQ lowered 20 points." POOF! She turns into a man.
Q: Why do
Blondes always smile during lightning storms?
A: They think
their picture is being taken.
Q: Why can't
Blondes dial 911?
A: They can't
find the eleven on the phone!
Q: A Blonde
and a brunette were walking outside when the brunette said, "Oh, look at
the dead bird."
A: The Blonde
looked skyward and said "Where, where?"
Q: Did you
hear about the two Blondes that were found frozen to death in their car
at a
drive-in movie theater?
A: They went
to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q: What's
the difference between a blonde male and a blonde female?
A: The blonde
female has a higher sperm count.
Q: What do
you call 2 nuns and a blonde standing on the corner?
A: 2 Tight
Ends and a Wide Receiver
St. Peter asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?"
The first blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and we are thankful for..."
"Wrong!" interupts St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, "What is Easter?"
The second blonde replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus. "
St. Peter looks at the second blonde, shakes his head in disgust, tells her she's wrong, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks, "What is Easter?"
The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, "I know what Easter is."
"Oh?" says St. Peter, incredulously.
"Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the Last Supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder."
St. Peter smiles broadly with delight.
The third blonde continues, "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out... and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter."
A few days later, as she was driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute woolly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?"
The shepherd, always the gentleman replied, "Of course."
The blonde thought for a moment and for no discernible reason said, "352."
This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandable, totally amazed and exclaimed, "You're right! O.K., I'll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock."
The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others.
When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "O.K., now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?"
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