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1.) You tried to enter your password on the microwave.
2.) You now think of three espressos as "getting wasted."
3.) You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.
4.) You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
5.) You e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he e-mails you back "What's for dinner?"
6.) Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.
7.) You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.
8.) You didn't give your valentine a card this year, but you posted one for your e-mail buddies via a web page.
9.) Your daughter just bought a C.D. of all the records your college roommate used to play.
10.) You check the ingredients on a can of chicken noodle soup to see if it contains echinacea.
11.) You check your blow dryer to see if it's Y2K compliant.
12.) Your grandmother clogs up your e-mail Inbox, asking you to send her JPEG file of your newborn so she can create a screen saver.
13.) You pull up in your own driveway and use your cellphone to see if anyone is home.
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 mi/gal."
Recently General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement "Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?"
IF MICROSOFT BUILT
CARS.....
1. Every time they
repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
2. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to reinstall the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too.
4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But, then you would have to buy more seats.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, run five times as fast, twice as easy to drive - but would only run on 5 percent of the roads.
6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars, which would make their cars run much slower.
7. The oil, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
9. The airbag system would say "are you sure?" before going off.
10. If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened.
Air DOS:
Everyone brings
one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go
out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop
about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.
Mac Airlines:
Everybody pushes
the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast
until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and
so on ...
Windows Air:
All the stewards,
captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the
same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly
told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will
be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.
Windows NT Air:
The terminal is
pretty and colorful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding,
and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes
with no warning whatsoever.
Linux Air
Just like Windows
Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other
aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.
Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the Seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?"
I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I've been having some problems lately. I've been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases I've tried have always conflicted with it.
I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode and the sound is turned off. But I'm embarrassed to say I can't find the switch to turn the sound off. I just run them separately, and it works okay. Girlfriend also seems to have a problem co-existing with my Golf program, often trying to abort Golf with some sort of timing incompatibility.
I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, but I thought I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0. After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with GirlFriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have enough cache to run GirlFriend 2.0, and eventually it would require a Token Ring to run properly.
He was right -as soon as I purged my cache, it uninstalled itself.
Shortly after that, I installed GirlFriend 3.0 beta. All the bugs were supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it, it gave me a virus anyway. I had to clean out my whole system and shutdown for a while.
I very cautiously upgraded to GirlFriend 4.0. This time I used a SCSI probe first and also installed a virus protection program. It worked okay for a while until I discovered that GirlFriend 1.0 was still in my system. I tried running GirlFriend 1.0 again with GirlFriend 4.0 still installed, but GirlFriend 4.0 has a feature I didn't know about that automatically senses the presence of any other version of GirlFriend and communicates with it in some way, which results in the immediate removal of both versions.
The version I have now works pretty well, but there are still some problems. Like all versions of GirlFriend, it is in some obscure language that I can't understand, much less reprogram. Frankly I think there is too much attention paid to the look and feel rather than the desired functionality. Also, to get the best connections with your hardware, you usually have to use gold-plated contacts. And I've never liked how GirlFriend was totally "object-oriented."
A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of GirlFriend to GirlFriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version of GirlFriend. He discovered that GirlFriendPlus 1.0 expires within a year if you don't upgrade to Fiancee 1.0.
So he did, but soon after that, he had to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes as a huge resource hog. It has taken up all his space, so he can't load anything else. One of the primary reasons he decided to go with Wife 1.0 was because it came bundled with FreeSexPlus.
Well, it turns out the resource allocation module of Wife 1.0 sometimes prohibits access to FreeSexPlus, particularly the new Plug-Ins he wanted to try. On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be running on a well warmed-up system before he can do anything. Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw, which has an automatic pop-up feature he can't turn off.
I told him to try installing Mistress 1.0, but he said he heard if you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.0 won't install anyway because of insufficient resources.
10. You're so tired you now answer the phone, "Hell."
9. Your friends call to ask how you've been, and you immediately scream, "Get off my back, @!#$% "
8. Your garbage can IS your "in" box.
7. You wake up to discover your bed is on fire, but go back to sleep because you just don't care.
6. You have so much on your mind; you've forgotten how to pee.
5. Visions of the upcoming weekend help you make it through Monday.
4. You don't set your alarm anymore cause you know the pager will go off before the alarm does.
3. You leave for a party and instinctively bring your ID badge.
2. Your Day Timer exploded a week ago.
And the number one sign that you are burned out because of work is.........
1. You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail.
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