|
|
"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."
The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"
Honeymoon
Gifts
The day before his
wedding this guy decides to play a game of baseball with his buddies. Playing
shortstop he gets hit in the 'nads with a line drive.
He goes to the doctor in a lot of pain, but the doctor tells him there is nothing he can do except wrap it up. So the doc takes a few tongue depressors and wraps it in a splint.
The next night on his honeymoon his lovely wife comes to him dressed in a nightgown.
Taking down the top she shows him her breasts. She proudly says "No man has ever touched these, I have been saving them for just you for tonight."
Surprised but not to be outdone, her new husband pulls down his pants and says, "Look at this, honey, still in the crate."
The Virgin
Newlywed
Maria just got married,
and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin and very inexperienced
around men. So, on her wedding night, while staying at her mother's
house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. "Don't worry,
Maria. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take care of you."
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest."
"Don't worry, Maria", says the mother, "All good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again Maria ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants, and he's got hairy legs!”. "Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take good care of you."
So, up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks, and on his left foot he was missing the better part of three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!"
"Stay here and stir the pasta", says the mother. "This is a job for Mama!"
Love at First
Sight
A man met a beautiful
lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said,
"But we don't know anything about each other." He said, "That's all right,
we'll learn about each other as we go along."
So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort. So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer, this was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
She said, "That was incredible!" He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about ourselves as we went along."
So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath.
He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"
"No." she said, "I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the canal.
Dirty Words
A young couple got
married & went on a cruise for their honeymoon. When they got
back from the honeymoon, the bride immediately called her mother, who lived
a couple of hours away. "Well, darling," said her mom, "how was the
honeymoon?"
"Oh, mother," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic, we had a terrific time! But, mother, as soon as we returned, Sam began using really horrible language... Stuff I'd never heard before... Really terrible 4-letter words... You've got to come get me and take me home... PLEASE MOTHER!"
And the new bride began to sob over the telephone. But honey," the mother countered, "WHAT 4-letter words?"
"I can't tell you, mother," said the daughter, "they're too awful! COME GET ME, P L E A S E !!!"
"Darling daughter, you must tell me what has you so upset... Tell mother the 4-letter words!"
Still sobbing, the bride said, "Mother...words like: DUST...WASH...IRON...COOK
A Redneck
Wedding
Billy Joe and Mary
Sue, newly joined in holy matrimony, are spending their wedding night at
the Motel 6 Honeymoon Suite in Parthenon, Arkansas. They've abstained
from the dirty deed until this very night.
Just as Billy Joe is about to make love to his new wife for the first time, she stops him. "Wait, Billy Joe. I just thought you should know... this ain't just our first time... this here is my first time ever. I'm a virgin. I been savin' myself just for you."
"Whut you say, Mary Sue?"
"I said, I'm a virgin. One hunnert percent cherry. Just for you on our weddin' night."
"Yore a VIRGIN??"
"That's right. Please be gentle."
"Gentle? Gentle my ass. I'm outta here!"
With that, Billy Joe pulls up his pants, hard-on and all, and leaves his virgin bride lying alone and naked. He slams the door, jumps in his pickup, and drives back home across the tracks.
"Paw! Paw! Wake up! Yore not gonna believe this!"
"Huh? Billy Joe, whut the hell you doin' here? It's 3am on yore weddin' night! Why the hell ain't you and that purty new wife of yours in a haystack somewhere f*ckin' like rabbits?"
"Paw, I wuz all set to do just that, when Mary Sue up and tells me that she's a virgin!"
"A VIRGIN?"
"That's right, Paw. One hunnert percent cherry. As soon as she told me, I got the hell outta there as fast as I could!"
"Well, son, lemme tell you, you did the right thing... Cuz if she ain't good enough fer her own fam'ly, she certainly ain't good enough for ours!"
Copyright 2000 @ HTTP://RIZ.20M.COM All Rights Reserved