If . . . Why .
. . When . . . How . . . If you throw a cat
out a car window, does it become kitty litter?
If corn oil comes
from corn, where does baby oil come from?
When a cow laughs,
does milk come out its nose?
Why do they put
Braille on the number pads of drive-through ATM's?
How did a fool and
his money get together in the first place?
If nothing sticks
to Teflon, how do they stick Teflon on the pan?
If it's tourist
season, why can't we shoot them?
What's another word
for thesaurus?
Why do they sterilize
the needles for lethal injections?
What do they use
to ship Styrofoam?
Why is abbreviation
such a long word?
Why is there an
expiration date on my sour cream container?
How do you know
when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
Is it true that
cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
When you choke a
smurf, what color does it turn?
Does fuzzy logic
tickle?
Do they have reserved
parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
Why do they call
it a TV set when you have only one?
What was the best
thing before sliced bread?
Why do you need
a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
Why are there interstate
highways in Hawaii?
Have you ever imagined
a world with no hypothetical situations?
You know that little
indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the
whole plane out of the same substance?
Why is it that when
men are driving and looking for an address, they turn down the volume on
the radio?
If a book about
failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
What do you do if
an endangered animal eats an endangered plant?
Is it possible to
be totally partial?
Can you be a closet
claustrophobic?
If a turtle doesn't
have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Why isn't phonetic
spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there flotation
devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why are cigarettes
sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Do you need a silencer
if you are going to shoot a mime?
How does the guy
who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
If 7-11 is open
24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If you're in a vehicle
going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
You know how most
packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open
somewhere else"?
Why is it that when
you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport
something by ship, it's called cargo?
Questions to Ponder 1.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help
section?"
She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
2.
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge
of everything
outdoors?
3.
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
4.
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
5.
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
6.
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and
apes?
7.
Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?
8.
Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?
9.
Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?
10. If all
those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still
working?
11. Tell a
man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. If you
tell him a
bench has wet paint, why does he has to touch it?
12. How come
Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when
someone threw a gun at him?
13. Why is
lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains
real
lemons?
14. Why buy
a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
15. Why are
they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
16. Isn't
the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?
17. Sooner
or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?
"Squawks" . . . are problem
listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews. Here
are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots
and the maintenance crew's response.
Problem:
"Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Reply:
"Almost replaced left inside main tire."
Problem:
"Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough."
Reply:
"Auto-land not installed on this aircraft."
Problem:
"The autopilot doesn't."
Reply:
"IT DOES NOW!"
Problem:
"Something loose in cockpit."
Reply:
"Something tightened in cockpit."
Problem:
"Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Reply:
"Evidence removed."
Problem:
"DME volume unbelievably loud."
Reply:
"Volume set to more believable level."
Problem:
"Dead bugs on windshield."
Reply:
"Live bugs on order."
Problem:
"Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces 200 fpm descent."
Reply:
"Cannot reproduce problem on ground."
Problem:
"IFF inoperative."
Reply:
"IFF inoperative in OFF mode."
Problem:
"Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
Reply:
"That's what they're there for."
Problem:
"Number three engine missing."
Reply:
"Engine found on right wing after brief search."
